Review of “Tales of the Shire”

I remember reading somewhere that the word “Hobbits” makes you instantly think of cozy blankets and fireplaces. Why is that? Maybe it’s those little homes with round doors, just bursting with comfort. Anyway — hold that thought. There’s this game, “Tales of the Shire: A Lord of the Rings Game.” Okay, seriously, who came up with this title? My tongue almost tripped over saying it. But, you know what? It starts with a good vibe because, hey, Hobbits! Cozy, right? But then it’s like you bite into a cookie expecting chocolate chips, and, surprise, it’s raisins. Disappointment much?

So, you plop down in this game set between “The Hobbit” and “The Lord of the Rings.” You’re some random hobbit settling in Bywater. Picture this: Gandalf pops in – brief but cool, with little nods here and there to Tolkien’s epic tomes. You start tooling around on quests. They’re basically epic errand races – chatting with the local hobbits until someone inevitably wants pie or whatever. Bywater isn’t huge, but it’s like wandering in a maze. I did find myself oddly motivated to finish tasks though. Maybe the charming dialogue has something to do with it? Who knows.

Oh gosh, the cooking! This game is all about it. You’d think it’s genius, right? Hobbits love food. Plant stuff, hunt for herbs, cook. But then every story arc ends with you hosting dinner. Like, for real, everyone’s main request is food. It’s fun, at least initially. Then it’s…you realize it’s kinda repetitive. I mean, the hobbits and their foodie quests are cute, but I wished for a bit more spice, you know? It’s like they forgot to season the game.

Days roll by in-game and there’s this clock – you do stuff like farm or chat, shops open and close, you sleep. Mess up your sleep schedule, and you “wake up groggy,” whatever that means. No penalties, really. But sometimes? You’re twiddling thumbs. Nothing to do before bedtime. I fished for hours, or what felt like it — just waiting for the day to end.

Graphics? Meh. Played on both the Switch and Switch 2. Neither version wowed me. The little hobbits could’ve been cuter, I swear. They remind me a bit of those dolls that have been left in the sun too long. Oh, and if you like bearded ladies – they have one! Cool, right? But, ugh, those frame rate drops. The Switch 2 should fix this, but nope, just less jarring. And it crashed. Often. Enough that I was this close to inventing new curse words. I’d save like a paranoid squirrel hoarding nuts, just to avoid losing progress when things inevitably went south.

Honestly, “Tales of the Shire” should be a hit. It’s got seeds of great ideas, and some of the writing? Solid stuff. But it feels like you’re playing a draft. A sneak peek of what it might become… someday. With bugs, crashes, and shallowness? I’m left feeling, well, kinda frustrated. Like, someday it might sparkle, but today isn’t that day.