Review of Doom: The Dark Ages

Boy, talking about Doom: The Dark Ages feels like trying to juggle chainsaws, and trust me, I’ve never juggled in my life, let alone chainsaws. It’s like the series took a trip to a medieval flea market and came back with a heavy suit of armor and a bad attitude. Honestly, the whole thing gives me this weird sense of time travel whiplash. Going from Doom Eternal — which zips around faster than a caffeinated squirrel with a jetpack — to this heavy, almost lumbering style? Initially, I thought, “Whoa, did someone put bricks in my boots?” No double jumps? Chaos everywhere? Sounded like a recipe for a headache. But, like a good mystery novel, it hooked me in, eventually leaving me grinning like an idiot.

Honestly, stepping into this game, I felt like entering a new chapter where Doomguy got thrown into a Renaissance fair. Sure, I miss the ballet of bullets and double-jumping from previous games, but once I got the hang of my new toys — excuse me, “weaponry” — I could see the charm. The storyline isn’t exactly Shakespeare, but who needs deep character development when you’ve got a Super Shotgun, right? It’s Doom, not a therapy session.

And can I just say, those medieval castles and Lovecraftian puzzles are bonkers? Like, props to whoever designed the Cosmic Realm — all twisted and weird in a way that only makes sense if you’ve had way too much caffeine.

Now, about that shield. Oh boy. Imagine Captain America, but if he listened to way too much metal. Charging into a mob like your backpack’s on fire, swinging that thing around and bouncing bullets back at nasties felt pretty epic. I’m not saying I didn’t miss the old dash and double jump, but deflecting attacks with a well-timed shield bash? That’s chef’s kiss.

Oh, and did I mention the soundtrack? It’s like the lovechild of a roaring chainsaw and a screaming guitar. I’m all about blasting those tracks while the chaos unfolds.

Weapons? Deliciously chaotic. There’s still that feeling of juggling dynamite — a rocket here, a railspike there (every time I say “railspike,” I want to laugh). The Skullcrusher Pulverizer — try saying that three times fast — just tears through mobs like nobody’s business. The worst part? I kept switching guns because, well, it’s plain fun.

The game throws you a comfy pillow of disaster management — no need for pro-level reflexes. And yet, the arsenal somehow stays relevant. Just when monotony pokes its head, bam, new shield ability or weapon upgrade!

And not to skip the Mecha battles. (Yes, Doom has mechs now. Cause why not?) They’re kinda like those old-timey fair rides you get on for nostalgia. Is it the depth of combat? Not quite. But they’re like a cherry on top that you didn’t expect but won’t refuse. Plus, flying a dragon? Let’s just say it adds a mix of epic fantasy into this buffet of madness.

All this chaotic beauty wrapped in the head-banging, relentless symphony of metal. Doom: The Dark Ages proves once again that reinvention might be messy — but what a delightful mess it is.